When she goes pt 1

This is my first blog and I will tell you right off the bat that it will be a little emotional. I have found that expressing yourself to any sort of object, whether it be an audience or a journal, that it releases what is tense. To give a little back ground of my life, I am 21 years old and currently living in Provo UT... I know, of all the places I could live I chose Provo UT. Regardless of my choice I felt it to be the right thing to do. I am preparing to serve a mission for my church (I am LDS) and wanted to get away from a life style that I was not happy with. So Provo UT, what a place. Population... 98% Mormon. On, my arrival I felt as if I was in prozac central. Everything seemed on the surface and happy and life seemed to just flutter by. As time went on I had a closer look at these people. It wasn't necessarily the euphoric state that everyone seemed to be in but rather, they really did enjoy life. 

I started to settle in and get use to the scene when I met Marie. This is more or less the point of this entry. When I first met Marie, I hated her. She was the most obnoxious, one upper, who would do anything just to prove you wrong. As I became good friends with my roommates and they became aware of the situation at hand... I told them that I was going to play a little game with this new devil child I had just met. I would flirt with her and make her fall in love with me. The catch was I would never kiss her or do anything to satisfy what she would start wanting. All was in place except for one thing... I started falling for her... and I feel fast. Embarrassed that I now had these emotions I had to decide to swallow my pride and give her that first kiss that I longed for or keep my pride and suppress any feeling I had toward her.  It is obvious that I learned how to swallow my pride and gave her that first kiss... but where would this lead. I was going to leave on a mission within a year so any relationship would just end... or would it (the answer is not at the end of the blog). 

A few weeks passed and we had become great friends. From cooking exquisite meals to playful dates around town, it was incredible. Everything just seemed to fall in place... expect for what we were to each other. Yes, the dreaded DTR (determine the relationship) was at hand and I did not want to say... so what are we. I also did not want her to bring it up because if I know anything about relationship, friendships or dating relationship, I know that a DTR conversation is always an awkward conversation. As the next few days passed a was constantly wrestling in my thoughts of is it worth it? Should I start something that will just end. Should I just have some fun while I can and see what happens. That weekend I was invited to her house for thanksgiving. My family is all in washington so I had no where else to go. I gladly said yes to the invitation. Little did I know what I was about the experience. 

In my life I view dating in two different ways. One, date anyone and everyone and just have fun. You can have fun for a night with someone and not feel obligated to commit to marriage. The other way is steady dating. That is what two people should do when they see a possibility of marriage and want to test the waters to see if it could work. I have never had an official girl friend in my life. 

As we arrived to her house for the wonderful thanksgiving weekend I was in awe. I never knew that a girl could show so many wonderful qualities in one setting. From the constant giving to the family, to the close relations she had with each member of the family. I was witnessing what I wanted my family to be like through this one girl. Only one thing remained on my mind... How could I measure up.

That Monday, I asked her what she was doing for Saturday night, 11/29/2008. She said I have a few things in the afternoon I needed to get done. I said wonderful, may I take you out for a date. She replied with a smile, Yes. I knew that this was my chance and that I could not screw it up. I found an incredible restaurant to eat at (chefs table) and a wonderful look out point. I would be nervous so any sort of long night full of activities would be out of the question. I knew that she was interested in learning how to dance so I took that to heart and planned to dance at an exclusive look out point that not many people know of. The week passed and it was Saturday evening, I was ready for the date. I picked her up at 6:45 and departed to dinner on time. She looked incredible. She was beyond beautiful. All I can honestly remember from when she opened the door is that she glowed with pure beauty and exude happiness. 

I was nervous and could barley eat anything. We had wonderful conversation about things I cannot remember because I had one thing on my mind... Will she say yes. After dinner I took her to my secret lookout spot where we began to Blues Dance. It was wonderful. She picked up well and the sunset we danced in front of was perfect. After about the third song I could not hold it in. I pulled her in close and just held her. I began by saying " Marie, would ..." I stopped. What was I doing. Marie would you go out with me. What is this Jr High. I sat and thought to my self... how can I recover from this. My mind was racing when I figure it out. What should be easy common sense but when you are in the moment seems like algorithms came to me. "Marie, would you be my girl friend?" She smiled, turned and gave me a kiss and said yes. The 800 pound gorilla climbed off my back and I could breath again.